


i'll seek you out, flay you alive

by maraudering



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First War, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Sad sad sad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudering/pseuds/maraudering
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus wonders sometimes if James and Lily and Peter know that Sirius comes back here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll seek you out, flay you alive

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the song Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation. You can blame them completely. (I also recommend listening to it while you read, if you can be bothered).

Remus wonders sometimes if James and Lily and Peter know that Sirius comes back here.  To the frigid flat that he can no longer afford to heat.  That he didn’t have to three weeks ago because there was their bed to hide in, with the warmth of another body waiting.

He avoids the bed now.  Too many memories are wrapped up in the sheets and too many regrets are hidden in the pillowcases.  Instead, he falls asleep in front of the television and groans about it every morning.  He curses and tells himself that tonight’s the night to finally grow some balls.

He never does.

There’s a knock at the door, and Remus knows its Sirius.  Now that the others think he’s the spy too, no one ever visits him.  He’s alone with the bare walls and echoing rooms, desperate for the pain of another mission because it means escape from the torture of his life.

One thing Remus has never been confused about is Sirius.  He has never thought it was possible to be so aware of another living, breathing thing.  James and Sirius have always seemed to be one boy split between two bodies, but it was always Remus that Sirius sought after a nightmare or a letter from home.  Because what could perfect, popular, wealthy, loved James Potter ever know about pain, suffering, wanting?

So even as he opens the door, Remus knows Sirius is using him.  Even as they share hesitant, achingly distant smiles, Remus knows being here is just easy for Sirius.  Desperate, needy, lonely Remus will be here whenever Sirius can’t be bothered pulling.  Desperate, needy, lonely Remus can’t say no.  Desperate, needy, lonely Remus is just that; desperate, needy and alone.

They never talk.  Talking would ruin it.  Voices always lead Remus back to the times before, when they laughed as they fucked.  No, back then they had made love.  What they are about to do is fucking.  As soon as Sirius’ eyes drag over the empty spaces that he once filled, he will reach for Remus and drag him into the bedroom and then they will fuck.  And it will be like Sirius is tearing Remus’ heart from his chest and they both know it.  Nothing will stop them, however.  Because Sirius is just as eager for this as Remus is, even though he’d never admit it, now that Remus is bad and the enemy and every other foul word Peter could think of.  Betrayal and anger and broken trust cannot erase the way they burn when they touch.  They are the most destructive pleasure in the universe.

Remus has his own ways of taking.  As they fall into the bed, he rips and claws and bites.  He lets the wolf bleed through his skin until his eyes are glowing and he is growling against Sirius’ lips.  They fight a war that Sirius loses, because he deserves it.  He was the one to walk away, after all.

Then it’s time for him to leave.  Remus tries to hide a smile as he imagines Sirius lying to Lily about why he winces every time his shirt drags over his shoulders.  They will know, because Sirius could never lie about him. 

Stupidly, infuriatingly, he aches for something more, afterward.  He longs a moment’s acknowledgement in the aftermath, as Sirius fumbles for his clothes and for a cigarette.  For the moment to lash out, to _show_ Sirius the scars he is causing.  Because it is his fault, of course.  He’s the one who shows up on Remus’ door, already half hard.  He knows that Remus cannot say no to him, as surely as he knows the wounds he is creating.  Sirius uses his love as a sledgehammer.  He gets the satisfaction of destroying something, of the desperate release of tension, while Remus is left trying to fill the holes with emptiness and loathing. 

 

 


End file.
